Looking at life through the pillbox window…

14 pills and 2-3 shots.

That’s what I take in each day.

When I actually admit this to people (which is rarely), I get raised eyebrows. I imagine they either think I have some sort of “problem” with prescription meds, or that I’m half crazy. Friends show concern, “Are you sure you can’t try a more natural approach?”

Only my peers with Type II diabetes give a knowing nod or a shrug of understanding. And, those with Type I diabetes probably think this is pretty minimal, actually.

14 pills a day translates into 98 pills a week. If you had asked me when I was 20, if I thought I’d be taking close to 100 pills a week before I turned 40 years of age, I would have laughed at you.

I’m someone who hates even taking Tylenol if I can help it.

The toughest part of having a disease, I am learning, is this: you have to accept that, as much as you’d like to think you have control, you really do not. You have to trust your doctors.

You try to eat right and exercise in the hopes of losing weight to get off of some of the medication you are on. Then your body ages or you gain a few pounds or the disease takes a turn, and suddenly you find yourself in a downward spiral of bad labwork, more weight gain, and more medication. When you ask what you should do to stop this, sometimes your doctor has ideas. But, sometimes he has to admit what you don’t want to hear, “It’s just the progression of the disease, unfortunately. We’ll keep after it.”

It is not all negative. You are not on insulin yet. Part of this huge pile of pills you take each day are vitamins that keep you healthier than most in some ways. Your hair grows quickly and your nails are strong!

You look at people struggling with the disease who have horrible problems, and you feel thankful for your eyesight, your healthy feet, your healthy heart and it helps those pills go down a little easier each day.

You have learned so much about nutrition and healthy living. Enough that sometimes you consider swapping careers to be a nutritionist, a personal trainer or something where you can pass along what you know and help others who feel so helpless with this condition.

Honestly though, some months you don’t have the energy for it all. You quit taking some of the pills. You might quit taking all of them for a short time. You realize how bad you feel when you do. You watch the scale fly upward at an alarming rate, even though you’re still working out hard.

You are forced to admit to yourself that your body actually needs those pills to feel somewhat normal and function well. You detest relying on anything like that–it goes against every fiber of your being. But, it is what it is.

One open pill window and 13 more to go for the week.

Currently, you are working hard at this–trying to take them all and not forget, and also injecting a new medication at mealtime that is supposed to work with the old to help you lose a little weight and help your organs deal with the disease better. You wonder though if the shot is really just a precursor to insulin–a last ditch effort by your doctor. You fear that most of all, so you push the thought out of your head immediately.

You have had many phases in your five years of having Type II diabetes. So many you feel like a seasoned war veteran, but you realize that you have so many battles left to win in your lifetime. You still have SO much to learn. You still haven’t gotten the diet just right or found that balance you need.

Depression hides just around the corner and rears its ugly head now and then. You battle back though. Always. You try to keep focused and stay optimistic. You are young. You are healthy. You are determined. You are educated about this disease and what it can do if you do not stay proactive. You refuse to go there. Ever.

Windows up and windows down…your week moves on. This is your life with Type II diabetes, whether you want it to be or not. Be thankful for each pill you swallow and each step you take. Never let it get the best of you…