Oh my goodness, say it isn’t so!

The breakthroughs just keep happening–and I’m not sure what triggered it.

First off, if you read my last post, you could have A>gotten very depressed, B> wondered why I seem so darn miserable in my life, or C>gotten very depressed and wondered why I seem so darn miserable.

Apologies right off the bat for that. Bloggity forgiveness, please…

The second part to this post is harder for me to admit. Most of my life I have found myself only avoiding friendship and getting annoyed with a few types of people. I’m not a gossip/back-stabber type, so that’s a major friendship turnoff for me. I don’t really care for hypocrites or people who act like whomever they are around at the moment. But mainly, my friends, I do NOT care for the drama.

I love my family, but let’s just say there are a few people in it who are close to me who have a penchant for being dramatic. Overreacting to situations is not uncommon nor is my eye roll when I witness that behavior going on.

So, I’ve found that when I meet someone and start to get to know them, if I detect a high drama gene, I tend to run the other way. Most of my life, I’ve spent unconsciously being the drama drowner. I combat the highly dramatic with a flat-lined sort of “Steven Wright” impersonation and take the anxiety level down a few notches.

This even worked out good for me early in my career when I worked as a news producer. I was told that I was a natural, because I automatically went into “let’s just get it done” mode when something went wrong, a deadline was missed, the taped story broke and we had to improvise, etc.

In a time of crises or panic, I’m the girl you go to with a level head who will step by step get you where you need to be when you can’t think at all.

That’s not bragging, it is just how I function. I will melt down and cry about it all the next day, or the next week, or whenever my body allows myself to relax enough to process it–typically alone and in my own way without the need of someone else to comfort me.

At least…this is how I’ve always seen myself.

Recently, I’ve posted some things that I now go back and read and I wonder–was it really that bad? In the moment, yes–I can say that I did feel like I was unhappy and at the end of my rope. And, that feeling lasted for a good while and I don’t want to invalidate them here. I do not post without thinking through and reading back through what I’ve written.

However, I realize now that I’m in a calm moment that perhaps that gives a false impression to my readers about the status of my life or even my mental state.

In short, I’m quite fine. I have things in my life that are troubling me, or exhausting me, at present. I am entering into a new phase of all my kids being in school now and looking to the future. I am figuring out what that future will look like.

I’m a planner. I don’t do well when it is all up the air.

As it turns out, that brings out a bit of a drama queen in me.

Gasp. I can’t believe I realized AND admitted that!

Yes, I can be a drama queen. And, if I’m realizing that completely, then that means I’ve also been a raging hypocrite.

Eww.

Man, growing older and wiser about yourself sure does stink at times, doesn’t it?