Playing fair…
Posted on 2.14.09 at 8:24 pm
I had finished setting up for my daughter’s preschool Valentine’s party when I located her teacher lining up kids after music class. I paused, as I could tell she was busy handling a 4-year-old dispute and decided to wait to let her know I was done.
Observation revealed that a little boy who was crying had been hit by another little girl, who was acting less than sorry for her actions. The little boy’s crying seemed to only get worse when he noticed the little girl’s lack of empathy.
The teacher knelt down to the boy’s level and spoke to him in a firm, but loving tone.
Luke, did Megan hit you? Yes? I’m sorry that happened. OK, well what did you do?
Through tears, the little boy told her that he told Megan to stop, but she hit him again.
“Why did she do that? Hitting is not nice. Hitting is bad,” he surely stated, obviously confused.
By this point, another teacher walked little Megan over to Luke and told her to tell him that she was sorry for hitting him. Megan smiled and then promptly dropped to the floor and crouched tightly in a ball, like a rolled Armadillo. With her head buried in her hands, she’d cleverly found a way to avoid the apology and then refused to get up or acknowledge anyone who spoke to her.
My daughter’s teacher paused, sighed, and in a very controlled tone spoke to little Luke who was now crying even harder.
“Luke, sometimes someone does something we do not like and something that is not nice. We can ask for them to stop, but sometimes they may not. All we can do at that point is pray for them and ask God to help them learn what is right and wrong. (pausing)And, then we let it go, and go and play.”
Luke instantly stopped crying and his eyes met his teacher’s. He looked at the girl still rolled tightly into a ball and giggling to herself. Then, he looked back to his teacher, nodded, and ran off to play as if the incident had never happened.
This past week, my family suffered an emotional blow that stemmed from an adult role model who did not “play nice.” Someone whose actions ended up hurting my son, and both my husband and me. We attempted to tactfully deal with this person, standing up for our family but also trying to avoid a huge argument. The more we tried to talk and resolve the issue, the worse this guy seemed to get–making up complete lies about our family and feeding on the drama and making things worse. The hardest thing for us to understand was how the man could not acknowledge his poor behavior when he was so blatantly and publicly out of line.
Last night, after we got another email message from this man full of fabrications with obvious jabs at our family, I immediately thought back to the preschool squabble, and my daughter’s teacher and her wise advice.
This morning, I said a prayer for this man hoping that one day he will see that his actions were wrong and harmful. I prayed that he could understand the pressure he is putting on his own children and the children that other parents have put in his trust. I asked God to help him see what an important job the Lord has given him and why his actions speak louder than words in the minds of the children who look to him for an example.
I let go of my frustration and insistance that this man apologize or acknowledge how hurtful he had been. I let go of the need to try and respond back to clear our name and the untruths he continues to spread.
And, once I was done, I thought again about little Luke and my daughter’s teacher. And, after letting out a big sigh, I decided to let it go and just go play….
Tags: parenting
In some ways, I'm a walking cliche--a suburban mommy blogger of two kids just trying to keep my crazy yet wonderful life in balance. But, I'm also a career writer who has just returned to fulltime work in the software industry, I'm a wife going through a divorce after almost 20 years of marriage, and I'm discovering that life is full of surprises. But, mostly I am learning to look at the world through funny glasses with my tongue sticking out. Pfffftttt!
2.15.09 at 5:38 am
Ladybug Crossing comments:
I’d call that preschool episode “God Sighting” or a simple blessing.
Unfortunately, you are going to run into this type of person more and more as your kids get older. Their children are like the 4 year old in your daughter’s class. They won’t take responsibility for their actions and they want you to agree with everything they do.
All you can do is raise your children right and hope they don’t befriend this type of bully.
Ladybug Crossing’s last blog post..Happy Valentine’s Day!!