It’s one way or the other…

I’ve found when people hit those elderly years, they go one way or the other–either senile-but-blissfully-happy or super-grumpy. I definitely had a super grump glare at me in a retail store parking lot yesterday. I felt her gaze burn into me as I hopped into my SUV. She was sitting in the car directly across from mine in the passenger side, which meant we were lined up almost evenly with one another (aside from the fact I was about 2 feet higher up thanks to my honkin’ big gas guzzler).

I ignored it at first, assuming this was just someone in a fowl mood and the daggers she was shooting out were not meant for little ole’ me. I did my usual futzing around with my purse, the seat belt, flipped up the mirror to do a quick face check, flipped open my phone to check for calls, etc. And, I felt the heat from her glare still on me. In fact, this glare was so serious, I swear I might have gotten a little sunburn from it.

So, I made eye contact back with her, giving her a puzzled look as if to say, “I’m sorry? Did I offend?” My look was met with the same dark glare that had been on me since I’d stepped up to my car. I wondered, what in the world did I do to deserve that?

That’s when it hit me. Oh, she must just be a super-grump.

There is no point in trying to analyze a super-grump really. I could be there all day trying to pinpoint what I did to make her mad. It could be that I drove an SUV. It could be that I have blonde hair, or am of a certain height, or weight, or age range. It really didn’t matter, because by this point I’d let it go and pulled away, putting her dead gaze into my rear-view mirror.

But, it got me to thinking. I really think I want to be the senile-but-blissfully-happy old person. I fear, however, that I’m on my way to grumpsville sometimes. My mood swings and temper seem to have only gotten worse as I age, instead of better. This is something I constantly beat myself up inside about. And, it is also something that baffles me. I was never someone who was considered super moody when I was younger. It has really been since I’ve had kids, and mostly since I’ve had my second kid, that this has been increasing in magnitude. Are my hormones out of whack? The big M word coming early to me and these are early signs of it? Am I just nuts? Or, am I destined to be a super-grump? Is this something genetic, like my ability to roll my tongue or collect fat around my midsection at the bat of an eye (or more aptly, the crunch of a chip).

My father-in-law has become the happy older type. I haven’t written about him much on here or my old blog, because it is a difficult thing to explain or talk about really–watching a loved one slip away slowly as age and health overcomes the person  you once knew. My father-in-law was typically a more happy type, in my opinion, until his elder years. But, then the frustration of his own body failing him turned a switch. We began seeing signs of dementia years ago, long before he ever turned 70.

Several heart attacks and other health crises later, my mother-in-law and her children had to make a tough call–and they ended up deciding that nursing home care was the best option for him. After some juggles with places that were NOT right for him, we found a nice place and he has been there about a year now.

The past year, I’ve seen a huge change in my father-in-law. The adjustment to living in nursing care was hard on everyone. At first, my mother-in-law seemed relieved, as her own health was declining as she struggled to care for her husband when it was too much for her to do anymore. But, after a short time, we could see her struggling to adjust to living alone, and having to travel each day to see him. The bitterness between the two of them that had come on only in recent years with his health and stubborn attitude about taking care of himself, faded slowly.

And, bit by bit, we saw my father-in-law start changing. Most often, it was that he’d forget where he was. And luckily enough, we’ve been so blessed that he still always remembers each of us when we come to see him.

But, as dementia set in and we struggled with losing our loved one, I noticed that his level of happiness went way up. Just last week I told my husband, “you know, I know it is hard that your Dad isn’t quite himself anymore, but have you noticed how happy he seems now?” The man who had spent the past 10 years of his life feeling angry and frustrated was gone. Now, when we’d come to visit, we got laughter, big smiles and general happiness.

It actually makes me feel happy inside to know that his final years will not be spent being upset and angry about his health or living situation. He may not remember us always, but he will be content inside and that gives me comfort.

I only hope that the Lord blesses me with a long life and that I can follow his lead when I get to my elder years…