Today you gave me more…

(a posting from a prior blog life)

Every day, when you have come home, I have hit you with questions. I have tried the direct questioning, the subtle approach, and even the guilt trip method–all looking for clues of how your day went in your new little world. It is a world I am not a part of in any way, and that scares me. I miss you. I want to know that you are out there learning and having fun. I want you to know that I am doing my normal things day-to-day, but always with you in my mind.

This is how it will be for the rest of my life. This learning to let go, little by little, until you grow into a man and leave me, independent and self-assured. You won’t need me much, if I do my parenting job well. But, I will always need you. You are my first born and I ache to let go of any part of you, but I do because I must.

It is hard for me to share your beautiful soul with anyone who might not recognize and appreciate it the way I do. It is difficult to imagine someone having you in their space every day, and not see into those brilliantly blue eyes and see what a gift your loving heart is to the world it lives in.

This was the third week you were at school, and today you finally gave me a few stories and some smiles when you came home. You allowed me in for a short peek, and you will never know how that delighted me. I kept my cool and tried to just chat, but I was so happy inside to know a little more about your day.

Even the smallest nugget of a story is like a precious jewel to a lonely mother’s heart.